I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
