i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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