she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
