I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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