i think i have two assholes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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