some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
