Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
