think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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