My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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