she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
