Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
