just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
