So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
