Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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