Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
