you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
