he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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