I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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