Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
