that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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