im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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