gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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