I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
