By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
