I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
