hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
