Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
