I bet he comes in French.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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