Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
