who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
