it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
