Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
