dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
