is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
