I accidentally had phone sex last night
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
