This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
