You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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