Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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