Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Come share oat with me in your robe
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
