Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
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Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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