Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
