Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i think my cat just said my name.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
