But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
