I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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