And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
