So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
