just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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