How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
