About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
