go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
