My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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