I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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