i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
