Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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