I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
