So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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