.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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