forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
