My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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