FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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