A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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