Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
